There’s a misconception that a need or desire for couples’ therapy is a bad omen for a relationship. But like anything in our lives, even our closest and most intimate relationships require maintenance. Couples’ therapy can be a useful tool, and may actually help make your relationships stronger and healthier.
Utilizing Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy (RLT) method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the Gottman Method, and PACT–as well as other modalities–I aim to help you and your partner do the necessary work to maintain–or change–your relationship in a way that honors everyone’s needs, desires, and agency.
Through my Couples & Partner Therapy, I will support you and your partner in addressing a number of relationship issues, including, but not limited to:
• Communication: Whether you and your partner(s) have different communication styles, are experiencing a miscommunication, or a breakdown in communication, I can help you and your partner(s) express yourselves and reach mutual understanding, and also help you develop a more functional and fulfilling dynamic.
• Recurring conflicts: Sometimes, the same issue keeps coming up in our relationships. These issues can be especially hard to address. You may struggle to find ways to resolve a certain recurring conflict after avoiding it for too long; perhaps you’re uncertain about how to discuss an issue in a constructive way; or maybe you’ve made attempts at resolution without seeing results. I can help you and your partner(s) explore these issues and find ways to address them in a way that respects everyone’s needs.
• Sexual issues: Sexuality is a part of most intimate relationships, but it doesn’t always come easily. If you need help addressing you or your partner(s)’s sexual needs or dynamic, I can help you explore these matters from a non-judgemental, sex-positive perspective.
• Infidelity and affairs: Emotional infidelity and sexual affairs can wreak havoc in a relationship if not properly addressed–but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship. Without judgment, I can help you and your partner(s) address an affair that has occurred. As with all my services, I take a sex-positive approach that seeks to ensure everyone’s needs and desires are fulfilled. For more information, see the Infidelity Therapy for Individuals and Couples section below.
• Problematic porn usage: Sex is a natural human impulse, and pornography use can be a regular part of a healthy sex life. And sometimes, pornography can become a compulsion that interferes with your relationship. I can provide non-judgmental, sex-positive support to help you and your partner develop perspectives, priorities, and practices around porn usage that are more beneficial to your relationship.
• Separation: Whether you need help ending a relationship that has run its course, or support maintaining a healthy relationship with a former romantic partner, I can support you and your partner(s) in building separate lives that honor your individual needs, while ensuring any remaining ties are functional and fulfilling. For more information, see the Uncoupling section below. For divorcing couples with children, see the Divorce Support for Families with Children section.
• Polyamory: Most of us are raised to believe that romantic and sexual relationships involve two people, but there are countless ways to build romantic and sexual connections. If you or your partner would like to explore a relationship dynamic that allows for other people to join your romantic or sexual relationship, I can help you explore a variety of dynamics and find the one that bests addresses both of your needs. Or, if you’re currently in a polyamorous relationship and are struggling to maintain it in a healthy, trusting way, I can support you and your partner in ensuring everyone’s needs are met, without judgement.
Recommended Reading
Most Couples Financially Incompatible. Having a Money Talk Could Help
Sharon Epperson, CNBC
These Simple Questions are Relationship Super Glue
Eleni N. Gage, Oprah Daily
33 Premarital Counseling Questions (From a Couples Therapist)
Laura Richer, Anchor Light Therapy Collective
The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries
Topher Payne
How a Single Sentence — and a Tennis Metaphor — Can Save Relationships from Imploding
Jessica Benda, Los Angeles Times
Individual Versus Couple Therapy: What Format Is Best for Marital Problems
Susan Heitler, PhD, GoodTherapy
Never Use These 2 Words When Giving an Apology—They Make You Sound ‘Fake and Insincere,’ Say Experts
Kenji Yoshino and David Glasgow, CNBC
Harvard-trained Psychologist: If You Use Any of These 9 Phrases Every Day, ‘Your Relationship is More Successful’ Than Most
Dr. Cortney Warren, CNBC
‘Gender Inequities are Important’: Why Couples Fall out of Love
Andrew Anthony, The Guardian
I’m a Sex Educator. Here’s the Biggest Myth about Desire in Long-Term Relationships
Emily Nagoski, The Guardian
Fighting With Your Partner? Use These 4 Phrases.
Jancee Dunn, The New York Times
Books
Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple
Elayne Savage
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself
Nedra Glover Tawwab
